Red White
The WhiteVanMan
The School run – Picture this. Cruising gently along at 30mph on a busy school road with
children, pushchairs and dogs spilling onto the road and yet with all these hazards around,
you know – you just know that the White Van Man will rear his ugly head and try and
ram it up the arse of your car!
He’s waiting for us…
My baby is alseep in the back of the car and my daughter strapped in tight but still
dancing with Saint Vitus as she waves at her friends and hollers their name from the window.
I can see him in my rear-view mirror…Coming my way..Way too quickly..
Nevermind that the brave and the daring and the just plain stupid ahead are being flashed by police cameras for exceeding the speed limit.
Traffic lights – Orange – I need to brake…
Nevermind that I can see the lollipop lady preparing her kids for the intrepid
journey from South to North across the road.
He is still up the arse-end of my car!
I’m gritting my teeth and trying not to react to the danger my young family is being placed in…
I can see you smoking your fag, and shoving your face with a bacon bap and tomato
sauce oozing out onto your chin and falling to your belly.
How your van ever passed its MOT will always fail me.
Ode to Mr White Van Man
Mr White Van Man
Shave your face and brush your teeth
Wash your pits right underneath
File your nails and brush your hair
and then groom your derriere.
Mr White Van Man
Leave your cigarettes at home,
your bacon bap and mobile phone.
Take a breath and a moment,
Are you going to be a gent?
Mr White Van Man
Pull out your van so gentily
From my rearview, smile at me,
Not too close now, give me space
This school run is not a race.
Thanks to all burger suppliers, garages, van leasing suppliers and others who helped the White Van Man evolve into such a creature.
From a fed up mum!
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Vinturi Essential Wine Aerator Wine needs to breathe to allow it to open up, release its intended aromas, and of course, make it taste better. Vinturi’s patent pending design speeds up this process by instantly aerating with ease and convenience. The perfect aeration in the time it takes to pour a glass of wine…. |
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CDN TM15t Design TM15 Extra Large Big Digit Timer $7.49 A quick glance at this digital timer, even from across the room, lets you know how much cooking time is left. The extra big digit model means you’ll never need to grab a pair of glasses to keep tabs on time, plus the oversized buttons to set, start and stop time are simple to use, too. It counts up or down, works as a stopwatch, has a long and loud alarm and last count recall. Set for up to 100 mi… |
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Cuisinart CPB-300 SmartPower 15-Piece Compact Portable Blending/Chopping System Meet the Cuisinart SmartPower Compact Portable Blender – the compact powerhouse that does it all! Use the streamline blending cup to make smoothies in a flash! Mince herbs in the chopper cup and whip up custom drinks right in the “To-Go” cups – we’ve included four of them so everyone can have their favorite! Designed of fit anywhere, the Compact Portable Blender delivers big blender performance wi… |
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35 Biggest Hits [2 CD] $12.14 Featuring 35 of Toby’s greatest hits as well as the new single “She’s a Hottie.”… |
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Elephant $7.93 No Description Available.Genre: Popular MusicMedia Format: Compact DiskRating: Release Date: 1-JUL-2008… |
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Back to Black [Vinyl] $10.91 TracklistA1 Rehab A2 You Know I’m No Good A3 Me & Mr Jones A4 Just Friends A5 Back To Black A6 Love Is A Losing Game B1 Tears Dry On Their Own B2 Wake Up Alone B3 Some Unholy War B4 He Can Only Hold Her B5 You Know I’m No Good… |
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Three Colors: Blue, White, Red (The Criterion Collection) [Blu-ray] $53.00 Synopsis: Item Type: BLU-RAY DVD MovieItem Rating: RStreet Date: 11/15/11Wide Screen: yesDirector Cut: noSpecial Edition: noLanguageENGLISHForeign Film: yesSubtitlesyesDubbed: noFull Frame: noRe-Release: noPackaging: Sleeve Please note: This supplier will be closed on 11/24, 11/25, 12/26, 1/2 for the holidays. The shipping cut off is 12/10 to try and have the products delivered by Christmas…. |
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Pete’s Dragon [VHS] $4.49 Disney loved to mix live action with animation (Mary Poppins, Bedknobs and Broomsticks), but this 1977 effort falls on its face. The turn-of-the-century story concerns an orphaned boy whose only friend is a cartoon monster. While the latter is entertainingly rendered, the rest of the film strains to be enchanting and the cast overreaches in a big way. Not for anybody over the age of ten. –Tom Keo… |
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I’ll Cry Tomorrow [VHS] $4.90 Susan Hayward has a signature role in I’ll Cry Tomorrow, a pedal-to-the-metal look at the troubled times of singer Lillian Roth. Hayward snagged her fourth Oscar nomination for the part, which takes Roth from humble beginnings through great stardom and finally into a hell of alcoholism and recovery. The movie delivers on a couple of tendencies of its era (1956): a fresh frankness about addiction … |
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Kidde KN-COSM-B Battery-Operated Combination Carbon Monoxide and Smoke Alarm with Talking Alarm $64.97 The Kidde KN-COSM-B Battery-Operated Carbon Monoxide and Smoke Alarm combines two important safety devices into a single unit. This alarm includes a voice warning system that announces “Fire, Carbon Monoxide, Low Battery, or Smart Hush Activation.” The voice alarm eliminates any confusion and clearly warns you and your family of a smoke or carbon monoxide danger, or if your battery is in need of r… |